Greater the love, greater the pain

'Falling in love' is something that happens to most of us sometime or the other in our lives. You can fall in love with a pen or a car, the rain or the snow- but you don't realize it's importance unless it goes away. Same with people, isn't it? Human relationships are so complicated. Family feuds are present in almost every household these days. Best friends, inseparable at one point in their lives, become strangers to each other.

Eventually, everything starts coming back to you- the promises, the songs, the stories, the laughter. And that's when you start running away from yourself. In the process to forget a particular person, you start forgetting yourself- lying to yourself.

Often, you pass or visit a place which forces you back into the past. You start making excuses in order to avoid that place in future. Some song on the music player or radio triggers off another jog down the memory lane. You pack up your music player and put it away in the drawer. Facebook updates and status messages start hurting and you stop going online.

In this huge world, you desperately try to run from one place to another, make excuse for an excuse, indulge in unnecessary activities, take up drugs to feel that little bit of peace and happiness, sleep with someone to desperately feel love. You do this for a week, a month, two months. But eventually you realize that you're just running around in circles.

Why do people feel so scared? That too with a person they had been inseparable with?

Some of the closest and the best relationships end this way. And in today's fast and monotonous life, it's the story of every household.

Some people tell me I have trust issues. I try to justify and fight my case but fail to speak the truth- that somewhere, I am scared of feeling that pain..scared of going through that ordeal..scared of not being able to even face/call/message someone..scared of living the fear of coming across anything even remotely related to that person. 

Yes, life is tough and you gotta make yourself tough. But there are some things that you can change and some things that you cannot change about yourself because that's who you are.

I recently let go off myself..let go off the fear and the trust issues. There is a jabbing pain in my heart which still skips a beat at times.

My eyes well up with tears as I ask myself- "Can I let go off that fear ever... for anyone?"